Sunday Morning Muse
by Tsunetsu
Summary: Axel reflects on life at the castle for a short period.


So yes, this is in fact my first fanfic. But for a first one, I actually don't think it's that bad. But I'd love to get some reviews to let me know what I need to improve on. Although I know the ending is…eh, I'd like to hear your tips on how to improve with my endings or lack-there-of.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Chain of Memories, or even Kingdom Hearts 2. They all belong to Square unfortunately.

* * *

It's days like this that I hate the most.

Days where no matter what you try to busy yourself with, you always end up just sitting and listening to the silence. Your mind wanders and you can't help but bring up things that would be better off dead. All those horrid memories. Faces without names and voices he couldn't quite place. Important ones, I'm sure of it, but forgotten just the same.

Sometimes, though, it's not so bad. Sometimes I sit and wonder how it was I became a nobody to begin with. A nobody. Nothing. Not even deserving of a name, yet given one anyway as if to mock me. Take away the 'x' and what are you left with? A bunch of mixed up letters that you have to work at for them to make sense.

Does it really matter though? It's not like knowing the name of the 'me' from back then would help now. Not now that I've become...this. This meaningless existence. This empty shell. A mere reflection of what once was and never will be again.

_No...I've given up on regaining my heart. I don't care anymore. It's better this way anyways. This way, you never have to worry about hurting other people and no one can ever hurt you._

I remember once, when Demyx was still new to the castle, he had insisted on having people call him by his 'true' name. The one that he had before the darkness stole his heart away. He said that once kingdom hearts was claimed as their own, that he needed to remember it so that he could re-assume his identity.

So much for that idea.

After a few days of constantly correcting everyone when they called him by his 'new' name, he had succeeded in getting nearly everyone to at least mutter his true name when they greeted him.

_Though it was always Demyx who had to make the first initiative while greeting other members in the hallway._

He went to far though, when he stopped Saix in the hall to correct him for what seemed to be the ninth time that day. Saix had snapped. Even Xemnas was hesitant to step in there and break it up. So the fight - If you could call it that - raged on for what seemed like hours. When it was over, Saix gave a beastly snarl and stormed away towards his room, finally getting tired of beating on such a pathetic creature.

It's probably a good thing that pain doesn't last long for nobodies. After it was over, Demyx had slid to the floor, his head resting against the cool marble wall. And I swear, for a second, I thought I had seen tears in his eyes.

If I had a heart, I think I might've felt sorry for him. Was it his fault that he was the only one who still believed in preserving the last shred of what we were? If anything, I think Saix was the one at fault. If it truly bothered him so much - to be corrected by someone eternally 10 years younger than him - then he should've avoided Demyx all-together.

But no. Saix knew exactly that Demyx loved to roam the halls near the elaborate water fountain on the third floor. I'm sure that he purposely wandered by, knowing the bubbly musician would offer a greeting in which he could grunt something that sounded like a "Annoying brat." to which the blonde would answer "Not just any brat though! Call me by my real name next time Saix!" with a charming smile.

I was about to ask him if he were okay when I remember how out of character that would have been of me. So I merely stepped out from the shadow I had previously been occupying with a smirk plastered across my face.

"Bet you've learned your place now, haven't you? It's about time." Came my brash remark. He had only glanced up at me, and stood wordlessly. We held eye contact for an eternity before he finally turned and limped down the hall towards his room.

_

I really hate myself sometimes.

_

I had wanted to apologize to him, and I really would have. Honest. But he's gone now. I can't say I'm too depressed about it, because hey: no heart, no troubles. Remember? It's a great existence. No worries, no troubles, no hearts, no feelings, no hope, no release, no-

And then the coffee mug that I was holding onto slipped ever-so-slightly from my hand, and sailed to the floor. _Funny how you lose sight of things when you allow your mind to wander. _It was one of those moments that just seemed agonizingly slow. I knew that if I reached out my hand, I could've caught it. But it didn't seem worth the effort.

So I didn't. And it sailed to the floor, and shattered.


End file.
